From the dictionary:
Confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something, firm trust.
A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
Confidence is a skill that can be learned and you can get better at.
Here are three ways I think that will help with raising confident kids. These are just a few idea I’ll share more at another time.
#1 Offer lots of choices
For little kids:
-You choose the two shirts you are ok with and let them choose which one.
-Let them choose what they want to eat.
-Ask them, “do you want to brush your teeth in the bathroom or bedroom, do you want mom or dad to help you?”
-Do you want to clean your toys up right now with my help or later by yourself?
For older kids:
-When do you think would be a good time to do your homework?
-Do you want to read in the morning or before bed?
-What do you think I should do about this?
-Or you can say, “I washed the clothes and I need you to put them away you can do it now or by 8:00pm.”
When kids have choices and a say in their lives they are a lot more willing to do the task when it’s time. They also will be a more willing to comply when they don’t have a choice.
#2 Allow the natural consequences to do the teaching.
Natural consequences do the best teaching. Here are a few examples.
-If you have a rule that the kids have to eat what’s dinner and they don’t eat it then the natural consequence is that they will be hungry.
-If your kid doesn’t do or turn in homework the natural consequence is they will get a bad score.
-If kid hits someone natural consequence they might get hit back. (this doesn’t mean that you don’t teach them not to hit).
#3 Praise with words and external rewards.
From the book Big Potential: “Praise is a renewable resource. Praise creates a virtuous cycle-the more you give the more you enhance your own supply. When done right praise primes the brain for higher performance, which means that the more we praise, the more success we create. And the more successes there are, the more there is to praise.”
So if we will praise our kids more the behavior we want to see we will see more of. Praise your kids and you will get more of the behaviors you want.
I often will praise my kids for something they haven’t done yet. I’ll say, “thank you for your good attitude.” Even if they don’t have a good attitude. I’ll say, “thank you for emptying the dishwasher.” Usually they will do what I’ve already praised them for.
Sometimes we need to offer an external reward to get them started in the direction we want them to go. This will help to accomplish something that may seem hard and when they see they can do something hard that will help build their confidence.
-I rewarded my kids with $ after a month of not eating candy.
-There are sticker charts, toys, $, etc.
I would suggest that you give the reward after the accomplishment. If you give it to them before then that’s bribing.
When one has confidence it will help you in every area of your life. I think confidence is an AMAZING skill to have.
Want more help from me? I have a read A LOT of parenting books and I have taken ALL that I know PLUS coaching. For me that was the missing piece to actually putting all that I learned in to ACTION.
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