Did you know that circumstances are neutral. While at The Life Coach School they defined a circumstance as something that could be proven in a court of law or that everyone could agree on. The circumstances have no effect on us until we have a thought about them and attach a meaning. When we are in the middle of something we don’t think our circumstance are neutral. If someone dies or our child is taking drugs and we don’t know about it we could be happy, smiling, or even laughing because we are not aware that this happened. It’s not until we think a thought about that circumstance that then causes us to feel a certain way. If we can get to the point that we understand that the circumstance is neutral then we can change the thought we want to think about it and then in turn feel better.
We also don’t want to feel great about everything. If someone does die we may want to be sad about that. If someone is getting divorce you may want to feel angry, sad, happy, or any # of emotions. You don’t always have to change the thought. If it is not causing you a problem then keep it. Most circumstances we can’t change we don’t have control over how other people will behave, we can’t control our kids as much as we’d like to. Our kids are going to make choices we don’t like or would maybe not choose for them. The only thing we do have control over is how we are going to behave , show up or how we are going to feel.
Someone might say, “my kids are driving me crazy.” Your kids are acting like kids should. The kids behavior is not driving you crazy you are driving yourself crazy with that thought they are driving you crazy. When you think that then you will maybe feel frazzled or frustrated. Kids are neutral they are just that, kids. It’s not until we think they should behave a certain we cause ourselves so much: frustration, anger, or annoyance. If you are running a model on your kids you would put in the C like I have a seven year old daughter. Everything else about your child would be a thought and thoughts are optional! So it’s very important that you get specific when you are describing your circumstance. You get to choose how you will think about everything you are in control of your life!